Rule one: don’t rush. The owner will probably take their time serving you, because they are busy debating the perfect ratio of pork to garlic in mititei. You are not a customer; you are a guest.
Restocracy
Rule two: buy salami. Specifically, salam de Sibiu. It’s a dry, dusty-looking log of meat that is somehow more delicious than anything you’ve ever eaten. It tastes like smoke, salt, and ancient Romanian secrets.
The Ultimate Test
Can you handle the mămăligă? That’s polenta’s tough, no-nonsense cousin. It’s served hard, cut with a string. If you can eat it without complaining about the texture, you are officially adopted by the Romanian diaspora.
The shop also stocks frozen șnițel. That’s a pounded, breaded pork cutlet so large it hangs off your plate like a crispy flag. You will eat it. You will salute it. You will take a nap.
