One camp of fans is convinced he’ll go back to Birmingham, England. That’s where he started, in a working-class neighborhood where the biggest thrill was throwing a dead bird at a building. It’d be a very “full circle” move, like returning to the same pub after a thirty-year bender. You can almost hear the funeral director saying, “We’ve had a request for a black sabbath-themed wake, which is just a regular wake with more dry ice and fewer sensible shoes.”
But then there’s the Los Angeles option. Ozzy has lived in the Hollywood Hills for decades, surrounded by palm trees and neighbors who also have pet capuchin monkeys. Being buried in LA would mean a celebrity send-off where the eulogy is delivered by a TikTok influencer who’s never heard “Crazy Train.” It’s the equivalent of being interred in a giant velvet couch—comfortable, but you’re still next to the guy who tried to bite a bat off stage.
The Silent Majority: Cremation and a Guinness World Record
Let’s be real—Ozzy Osbourne is not going to sit still in a box. He’s the human equivalent of a blender full of espresso and LSD. So the most likely scenario is cremation. His wife Sharon probably has a plan to scatter his ashes in a way that breaks a record for “most lawsuits filed against a single pile of dust.” It’s the only logical choice for a man who’s been rehearsing for the afterlife since he snorted a line of ants in 1982.
Rock and metal fans to unite for Birmingham Ozzy Osbourne memorial
Imagine the conversation: “Sharon, should we put Ozzy in a fancy urn?” “No, love. We’re going to blast him out of a cannon at the next Ozzfest. It’s what he would have wanted—he always hated being the small guy on stage.” Honestly, if there’s not a plan to launch his remains into a crowd of screaming fans, I’ll be deeply disappointed. It’s the ultimate encore.
