This is where the real entertainment lives. You’ll see a dad wrestling a screaming toddler while trying to choose between two types of pasta sauce. You’ll see a teenager in pyjamas buy seventeen energy drinks and a single banana. That’s balance.
I once witnessed a woman have a full, heated conversation with a mannequin wearing a Halloween costume. She seemed to be winning. The mannequin didn’t respond, which I think shows great restraint.
And the self-checkout machines? They are the cruelest judges. "Unexpected item in the bagging area!" it screams, accusing you of theft when you just wanted a packet of Monster Munch. It’s a power fantasy for a robot.
What You Will Actually Buy
You go in for a loaf of bread. You come out with a loaf, a jumbo bag of tortilla chips, a cactus, a three-pack of oven gloves, and a DVD of a 2012 rom-com. It happens. The store’s layout is designed by evil geniuses who know you’ll grab a pump-action hand soap just because it’s on an end cap.
The alcohol aisle is a maze of cheap wine and novelty gins. Someone will always be staring at the own-brand vodka like it holds the secrets to the universe. It does, but the secret is regret.
Asda Wythenshawe | Clearercare
